Darkehart

Vampcat is back!  

Can't quite believe it, but he's sitting here (after eating copious amounts of food), watching me type for the short while I'm online.  He's actually in pretty good shape, so obviously handled himself far better out there in the wild than last time.  Wish he could talk, so I knew what the score was.

Almost scared to commit again, in case it's just a brief stopover.  Hoping he stays.  Hoping it's maybe a sign of things about to get better.  God I hope so. 

Bugger it, this is why I said I'd never have another cat.  Vampcat has gone.  Somewhere inside there is  a small hope that maybe he'll come back, but the overwhelming thought is that he's injured and dying/dead somewhere.  It's been almost a week since he was here.  He's was going so well, and much more affectionate and content.  Then, the other night, it sounded like another cat came into the yard and had a go at him.  I raced out, but nothing to be seen.  Obviously they'd both headed off up the paddock.

So, I worried, but thought he'd come back once he'd settled down.  This is the longest I've gone without seeing him since I started taming him.  I lost it this morning, and had a big crying jag.  Other stuff is happening as well, which has been stressful (looks like sale of business has fallen through, so will have it all to do again), and it's my mother's birthday today.  Mum died two years ago, and though she was one of those types termed "difficult", there are still the emotions to deal with.   Plus, I've had the insommnia getting worse.  If I could just sleep, I'm sure things would be easier to deal with.  (Have tried relaxation/meditation exercises, herbal sleeping potions, and other things, but still no good.)

I know so many have much bigger problems, so I feel like a fraud for daring to whinge about anything in my life.   I'm just so sick of loss and grief.  I want it all to be okay.  Bit childish, really, isn't it?

This seems to be turning into a cat journal of late.  Mind, I had no real idea of what to talk about when I started LJ-ing.  Nothing has really changed in that respect!

The news for the moment is that Vampcat actually showed up in daylight hours!  A first.  He was very twitchy, as it's a new thing for him, but it's progress.  He took off as soon as my husband showed up, but was going well up until then.  Will be interesting to see if this trend continues, or if it's a one off.  He came in again tonight, and seemed very glad to be indoors, as the foxes are screaming up the paddock at present.  Tends to spook him a bit.

Am watching both the "Angel" and "Buffy" series concurrently, and really, like "Angel" so much more.  It seems to be aimed at a slightly older audience, and some bits of Buffy just annoy me watching second time around.  I only started watching "Angel" accidently, as there wasn't much on TV late at night and I'd run low on new books.  Got hooked (mainly by Spike) and bought the DVDs.  Only went onto "Buffy" because I wanted to see more of Spike.  I tend to like Willow more than Buffy in many ways, as the Buffy character seems to be dumbed down more than necessary.  Xander, I feel, is vastly underrated - I like his character's sense of humour and quirkiness.  If Faith and Buffy were blended, the balance would be better, but then I guess that's not the point.  Perhaps the two slayers are different sides of the same coin - perceptions of good and evil.  One light, one dark.  One focussed on self, the other more about sacrifice for others.  I'm sure others have explored this topic far more coherently than I could.

Wonder if anyone has done a fic on an alternate reality where Buffy and Faith merge into one persona (hm, how would that be done?), and the interactions of the characters with this "new, improved slayer".

The fanged wonder.  Now you know why I snark about those damn teeth when he bites!

Glow-in-the-dark eyes

Vampcat relaxing.

Lilachigh had this on her journal, so am following instructions and passing it on.

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. 
       Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.

2. I respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.

3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.

5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

These were my five questions from Lilachigh:


1) The worst fault you have - that you know about?
    Really bad temper.  Usually people are surprised when I tell them this - I try not to let it out in public.

2) Can you sing?
     Not anymore - too many years of smoking.  I did sing in my younger years, and was recorded on ABC radio.

3) Would you save tigers or whales?
     I'm a cat sorta girl, so tigers for me.

4) What is the most valuable item you have ever lost?
     I can't really recall losing anything material, but lost friendships would have to be up there.

5) What do you think would have happened in Buffy if Spike hadn’t been such a success and they had killed off the character?
     That's a hard one.  Hmm.  I only ended up watching Buffy because I really liked the character of Spike in Angel, so if he'd been killed off, I'd have never watched Buffy!  

     Possibly, they may have decided to have Anyanka dominate, with the world descending into chaos wreaked by vengeful women.  Maybe defeated eventually by Angel sacrificing himself  to prove his worth to Buffy, with Buffy then destroying Anya's powers and restoring the balance.  Everyone could have then joined in a rousing chorus of Kumbaya and a Woodstock-style love-in!  (Of course, Angel would have to be resurrected after his ultimate sacrifice, but that seems to happen as necessary.)

Cold as the proverbial nun's nasty here.  We've been in drought for the past several years, so the winters have been relatively mild.  Finally got some decent rain, and thus, it has been proper winter weather.  Vampcat has been behaving himself admirably, so he's been coming indoors for several hours each night.  Silly twit went and got in a tomcat fight a while ago, and after being quite ill from bites and abscesses, he has calmed noticeably and is far more affectionate.  Obviously figured out he was on a good wicket.  I've managed to upload a photo of him into my scrapbook finally.

Am reading "Interview with the Vampire" at present, by Anne Rice.  I've avoided her works for years, because I thought they'd be too gothic/romantic/bullshit mingled.  She actually writes very well, with quite a delicate touch.  Obviously, quite dark themes and some ongoing angst, but intriguing characterisations.  Might check out some of her other work.

Have eased up on reading through fanfic, as I was going in circles, and came across some astoundingly bad writing which put me off for a while.  Still enjoying works by Lilachigh, Spankspike, HerselfNYC, Vamptastica, Paperheart and recs from Petzipellipingo, amongst others.  Waiting patiently for new works from them.  Funny how viewing the DVDs is now coloured by having read fanfic.  I keep thinking of alternate ways the characters would interact to make the series better.  Shame that Joss and Co. couldn't do a reprise of the series with fanfic in mind - rated "adult" of course!  Imagine if you could get the original cast to be in a project like that!

Actually, Vampcat was skating on very thin ice the other night.  Bloody ungrateful sod BIT MY TOE!  With those honking great fangs of his.  I know he's still essentially a wild cat that I've tamed, but he should know better by now.

Normally, after I feed him, he'll come and throw himself on my feet and writhe about in that peculiarly boneless way cats have.  This time, after a few seconds contemplation of my feet, he deliberately leaned down, sniffed my toe and BIT IT!!!  WTF?  So, he got the patented *glare of doom*, got the message and tore about the room, finally retreating under the lounge.  He made himself scarce for a few nights after that episode, but is back tonight, somewhat chastened, and behaving much better.

Am currently watching Season three of Buffy on DVD after I go to bed each night.  Angel has just come back from the dead, and Oz is having werewolf issues.  Very glad I made the investment in the DVDs.  Got the portable DVD player as a Christmas present from my husband.  Luckily he sleeps through anything!

Have been reading various fics - Estepheia is the latest discovery.  Especially like her "Let's talk about Sex" starring Spike/Xander.  The Fang Fetish Awards had some excellent reading, and Netgirl y2k's "Guide to having a One Night Stand in Sunnydale" was an interesting take on the Faith/Cordelia pairing.  Herself continues to surprise with "Let's get Lost".  Am continuing reading the epic work "Lost in Time" by Spikescat - trying to spin it out to enjoy it more.  It's nice to have a pick-me-up when I've had a crappy day.  Selling a business is NOT fun and games by a long shot!  Starting to wonder how many Chinamen I've killed in a previous life, that I must now atone for?  Need Spike to bite the horrible ones for me!  (Would you believe if this one sells, I'm thinking of starting another business after a suitable break?  Must be insane...  I do like being my own boss, though.)

Actually, if you had the opportunity to extract suitable revenge on people who piss you off/do the wrong thing by you, and could have any character in the Buffyverse wreak havoc with them, which character would you choose, and what form of vengeance?  Just wonderin'...  :)

Have just been over to Vamptastica's LJ, and she had a description of her likes and persona up for new friends.  So, pinching the idea to an extent, the following questions are up for the answering, should you be so inclined.

1.    Country/area you live in?
2.    Favourite characters in the Buffy or Angel series?
3.    What excites you?
4.    Pets?
5.    Married/partnered/kids?
6.    How did you learn about fanfic?
7.    What soothes you?
8.    What character would you choose to be if you could live in the Buffyverse?
9.    Favourite foods?
10. Day person or night owl?

And, putting my money where my mouth is:

1.    Country/area you live in?                                                               
        Rural Australia.
2.    Favourite character/s in the Buffy or Angel series?                
       Spike, OMG, Spike!  Lurve me some bad boy! 
3.    What excites you?                                                                          
       Other than Spike?  Driving fast, riding fast.
4.    Pets?                                                                                                  
        Kelpie dog, Vampcat.
5.    Married/partnered/kids?                                                               
       Married 20 years, no kids.
6.    How did you learn about fanfic?                                                  
      Stumbled across it looking for Spike stuff online!
7.    What soothes you?                                                                         
       Reading.  I read anywhere, anytime.  History, fantasy, sci-fi, biographies, war novels, kids books, 
       anything except mushy romance!
8.    What character would you choose to be if you could live in the Buffyverse?
       Willow.  Geeky, intelligent, open-minded, quirky, sweet yet powerful.
9.    Favourite foods?
       Chocolate is one of my basic staples!  Thankfully, I got Dad's metabolism.
10. Day person or night owl?
       Definitely a night owl.  Some night I don't get to bed until 5am.  Think I used up all my sleep as a teen!

Feel free to add questions if you wish...

I swore I would never have another cat.  When my cherished babycat died, after being with me for 13 years, I was desolate.  I'd raised him from the age of three weeks, when his mother (a wild cat) abandoned him, and the bond we shared was incredible.  So, for several years I was catless.  I have a dog, whom I care about a great deal, but it's not the same.

However, the powers that be deemed it was time for another wild cat to show up on my doorstep.  This one was also a  tabby, about a year old, and very skittish.  I ignored it for a few weeks, but it would appear most nights and just watch me.  If I went too close, it'd scarper.  Eventually, I put out some food (tuna), and it would eat, warily watching me and still very wild.  Time went on, and gradually we became more accustomed to each other.  I bear the marks of bites and scratches now (patting sessions gone wrong), but the last time he bit me was almost three weeks ago.  He still doesn't appear during the day at all - only very late at night.  Great strides have been made in a relatively short timeframe.  He now rolls on my feet, curves around my legs and jumps up on the keyboard when I'm typing!  (Yes, he now comes indoors.)  Still a creature of the night (as am I), and with the longest fangs I've ever seen on a cat.  (Bloody sharp ones, at that!)  Thus, Vampcat has worked his way into my life.  He has figured out that pats are pleasurable, and is learning manners.  It's a strange relationship, and somewhat tentative still, but I'm very glad he came.  My life has a tiny new dimension now - he's independant, but still is able to show affection.  Seems to be working out for us both.

Continuing my journey through this brave new world has introduced me to some wonderful writing.  Would love to put lots of recs up, but it seems it's all been done before!  Nearly every site I visit has already been rec'd and I know many of you "know" each other already, and so are familiar with the sites I'm only just discovering.  Interesting to see how the names become familiar in comments on various journals - almost like an extended family of people drawn together through this medium.

Possibly one which isn't already "in the loop" is The Crypt (and there are quite a few sites with this name!) where some excellent slash may be found.  Byrne is the author.  http://www.prettymuses.com/crypt/stories.html  Content is aimed at the over 18s, and it definitely draws you in.  

One thing I've noticed, is that many of the authors in this genre are female.  I think I've found maybe two males writing slash so far.  I wonder why this is?  Are women fascinated with m/m pairings moreso than men?  I know I find m/m to be fairly intriguing, though I like straight pairings as well.  Seems to me there is an added dimension of tension when the pairing is Spike/Angel, Spike/Xander etc.  Even staid old Giles!  Who'd have thought?  maybe it's the element of the "forbidden", the delicious exploring of something we, as females, can't actually experience?  

Actually, I remember back when I was an innocent teen (about 14), I saw my first gay couple.  My mother had taken me to the movies in the city (country girl on holidays in Sydney).  Going into the theatre I saw two beautiful men, dressed in "New Romantic" style (oh, the 80's!), kissing.  I thought it was one of the most special things I'd seen, and was quite touched.  My mother followed my gaze, gasped out loud, grabbed me by an arm and dragged me away.  She didn't say a word, but was obviously distressed by the sight.  I thought it was sad that she couldn't see the beauty I saw.

So it seems with fanfic.  I've been dipping into various fics and working my way through recs.  So much to see, that I've been disinclined to update until the head stops spinning.  However, dragged my sorry arse back in here for a brief space of time.  

Have been feeling lazy, in additon to dealing with some medical stuff.  One day I'll do a proper post or two, but for now, a quick ramble will suffice.  Continuing to love the work done by Herself, Spankspike and others mentioned previously.  

About to head off to watch Angel dvds in bed!

This strange new universe has a language all its own, as do many subsets of life.  When I first came to the internet (some 10 years ago) there were abbreviations to be learned, and rules of which one needed to be aware.  Thus it is with fanfic.  I'm still in the process, but have figured out what a beta is (though I still need to research meta), and am gradually learning other definitions.  

Found quite an interesting site which explains bits and pieces about fanfic, including such esoteric terms as "Mary-Sues", "Canons" and "crossovers".  Includes the 10 Commandments of writing, a section on "Why do we write" and lots of interesting links for fandoms, reviews and zines.  Well worth a look, IMHO.

http://www.katspace.org/Fiction-Essays/TenCommandments

A snippet:

"In the beginning, the story was without form, and void, and blankness was upon the face of the paper. And God said, "Let us create Authors in Our own image, that there may be sub-creations." And it was so, and God saw that it was good."

"And the Authors increased and multiplied upon the face of the earth. And behold, there was much writing, and there were books, and there were movies, and there was television. And God saw that 90% of it was junk, but yet there was 10% of it that was good."

(Kathryn Andersen)

Meandering along, possibly somewhat off-track, a good online dictionary may be found at http://www.hyperdictionary.com/
I'm fascinated by words, so this is a great resource when my trusty old Concise Oxford doesn't include newer terms.  I really should buy a new dictionary, but there are so many to choose from, and the Oxford is a valued old companion.  Plus, online resources don't take up extra bookspace.  3000 books and counting, in a small house!

I'm still working my way through the excellent recs so kindly suggested by you all.  Has certainly added a new dimension to my life.  A couple of my employees gave me strange looks when I tried to explain fanfic, but they're used to me being weird!

Reading through the myriad of fanfic online, I wonder what it is that makes people write?  I'd love to be able to do so, but am too intrinsically lazy to do more than write post-it notes to myself as reminders (oh, and lists! - lurve my lists).  Some of the Buffy/Angel characters have depths which are brought beautifully to the fore by the sensitive use of words which portray a moment in time, a feeling that the reader identifies with and thus becomes immersed in their story.

I wonder, is all writing a mirror to life?  Not necessarily the life we lead, but the life our imaginations crave, which fleshes out dimly sought fulfillment in an alternate universe.  I guess, for me, that is why I'm so strongly drawn to fanfic.  It's an alternate reality I can't find elsewhere.  I think in many adults, there is the wish for the spark of "other-ness" - a change from the daily drone where we have to be responsible and reasonable.  I'm an adult who never really wanted to grow up - reading is my way of dealing with reality.  Less damaging than drugs, but just as addictive.  Far more fulfilling, to my way of thinking.

So, if I may beg a moment of indulgence, should anyone wish to answer:

Why do you write?  
When did you start writing?
Have you ever given up on writing?
What fulfillment does writing bring?
What happens when you want to write, but the story just doesn't want to be written?
What inspires you in your writing?
What draws you to a certain character / set of characters?

Okay - that's probably enough nosy questions!  I'm an habitually curious cat - I like to know the stories behind things.

Well, I've been up and down, and 'round and 'round the internets tonight, checking out recommended sites.  Lots to keep me busy!  Just finished reading "Xander has Kittens" by Spurglie.    http://www.geocities.com/spurglie/kittens.html Quirky and interesting!  Found it through one of Elisi's rec's - over on the Buffy guide to Fandom :  http://community.livejournal.com/su_herald/605.html  

Much goodness to be found!  Have the yawns up (virtually no sleep last night), so will hie my bones to bed for now - perchance to rest for a few hours.  Must try and sort out a bit more about the whole LJ thing in days to come.  Still not quite sure I'm doing it right...  Have figured out the basics, but am sure there's more to it.  Not sure how the whole "tags" thing works, among other stuff.  Also the etiquette re. friending people etc.

(I'm sure there are entirely too many "sure's" in there.)

Thanks guys!  I was thrilled by your welcomes to the Buffyverse.  Looks like I'll have plenty of sites to visit during the early hours of the morning - I'm slightly overwhelmed by it all at present!  Looking forward to reading your recs and becoming more familiar with this genre and all it's derivations.

Herself - thanks for talking with me last night (suspect it was daytime for you over on that side of the world), and also for getting others to assist with pointing me in the right direction.  Such a nice thing to do!  I love how friendly and supportive the sites I've seen so far are.  Thanks for adding me!  Yours was the second site I read, and it was wonderful to get the whole "Lost" series in one go, though I know there's more to come.  Can't wait!

Also, Spankspike - yours was the very first fanfic I read, and it opened my eyes to a whole new universe!  Thanks for friending me, and for your replies to my initial comments on your site.  I think it's great that you reply to new people who comment, as well as all your regulars.  Love your work.

LordShiva - thank you for your welcome.  I'll have to pop over and have a look at your site a bit later on.  As you mentioned - I have it all before me, which is nice.  There's something special about discovering a new passion, or an extension of an old one.

Petzipellepingo - I had a quick look at your site last night.  Much there to occupy me for many happy hours.  Thanks for taking the time to comment and add a link.  Loved the icons.

YourLibrarian - Hi backatcha!  Much obliged for the links, and the newbies guide.  Will browse through later on.  I assume you're a librarian?  (Wonder what gave me that idea?)  I used to be one many moons ago - life has taken a different turn since then, but I look back on my library days with great fondness.

Chrisleeoctaves - "Five times Cordy bought new shoes" sounds interesting and quirky.  On my list of "to do" things - will check out your recs asap.  Thanks for taking the time to comment, and assist a newb.

Elisi - it's a great feeling, isn't it?  Doesn't take much to keep me happy - some good writing, and bad munchies and I'm set!  I'll certainly be checking out the sites you mentioned - looks like my "favourites" list is going to spiral out of control!  Thanks for going to all that trouble to help me out.  I do appreciate everyone's recs.  Got the warm fuzzies just thinking about it...

Thanks everyone!  So happy to have all these goodies before me - a feast for the heart and mind.

Obviously, it's going to take some time to get used to the LJ format and I have plenty to learn.  Have been trawling through various communities and journals and have found some excellent fanfic.  The series might be ended for Angel and Buffy, but the characters live on in the imaginations and hearts of fans.  

I sat here the other night, totally memserised by some of the fic.  I wonder if the writers know the dimensions they add to someone else's life?  I'm a rabid bibliophile, and to have found such good writing online really gave me a few hours of extreme happiness.  You know that warm, fuzzy feeling that stays for a while, curled up in a private place?  So hard to explain to "normal" people, but easy to understand when a fellow fan relates it.

I'd love to be able to write, myself; but my talents don't travel that route.  More a reader than writer, most definitely.  I love words, and their impact, but imagination, whilst so complete in my head, doesn't translate well to the page.  I don't sleep a lot, so the internet is something I've come to embrace.  So many worlds to discover that my small existence would otherwise be without.

It's another drabble-matic piece of nonsense.

To Busily Smack

Angel and Spike were celebrating a delicious Valentine's Day together. Angel had cooked a saucy dinner and they ate under the table by candlelight.

"My darling," Spike said, stroking Angel's nipple, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Angel. "It is but a hot token of my happy love."

Angel opened the box. Inside was a ridged rod! He gazed at it busily. Then he gazed at Spike busily. "It's piercing," Angel said. "Come here and let me smack you."

Just then, a gnarled crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a piece of wet leather that crackled nastily. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in dulcet tones and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Spike read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other accordingly as the crone cackled some more. Angel's lips began to tremble. Then Spike shrugged, pulled out a whip, and hit the crone on her head. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Angel said and kissed Spike longingly. "This is a weird Valentine's Day!"

They blushingly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they smacked each other all night long.

Small smirk of amusement.  Found an online drabble generator in my travels.  What a peculiar thing!  (Oops, just had to go back and correct a typo - put in "draggle" unintentionally...)  Obviously, I don't touch type!

The results of submitting random words to generate a story, as follows.  *snerk*  

Drabble-Matic

I Saw Angel Kissing Santa Claus

Spike woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one hard box that looked like a whiskey.

Then Spike noticed that Angel was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Spike thought that he would surprise Angel. Maybe even sneak up behind him and slash him on his blooming back. That always made Angel incandescent.

Spike crept sadly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its hot lights, and the presents, heaped up sulkily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Angel. Kissing someone.

Spike was so angry, he picked up a whip from a table and threw it insinuatingly up a drainpipe.

They both looked around.

"Angel, you oscillating rat!" Spike yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Spike looked and then rubbed his neck and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Angel said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a scintillating kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Spike said lustily. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be failing."

That seemed reasonable. Spike went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, seemingly, like a fanged version of the best dream ever had. He made Spike's thighs feel all slick.

"You see?" Angel said caressingly and Spike saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


Linky:  http://prillalar.com/drabbles/


Ah, the joys of being an insomniac.  I lurve the internet!